Lately I’ve struggled. I’ve struggled to get out of bed, or to do my laundry before I’m stuck re-wearing a shirt. Worst of all, I’m struggling to do the things I love. I haven’t picked up a book in a good month. I haven’t sat down strumming away at my keyboard to finish my short stories. And sadly enough I haven’t worked hard enough to get off the couch and spend time with my beautiful friends.
No motivation, just irritation.
I’ve felt nothing but this huge weight on my shoulders for a good two months, and it’s finally torn me down enough my knees are stuck to the ground. Stress is like this evil, continuously lurking thing, that just waits for the perfect moment to engulf you.
Stress won, for a hot minute or two.
I’ve spent the past few months wondering what needed to change. Something had to change. I couldn’t take the stress, the unhappiness. Life is stressful, I know it is for everybody. But, there is stress you choose and stress you have no control over.
My mother getting sick was out of my control. The job I had was my choice though. I chose the promotion, but what I didn’t choose was being mistreated. For a while I dealt with it. I dealt with the drama, and the unrealistic expectations they had of me. It’s embarrassing that I only lasted four months into my promotion but I wasn’t happy.
I hated going to work, and I dreaded coming back after a day off. That just wasn’t me. I’m quote on quote what some would call a workaholic. I’m the sort of person who doesn’t say no to coming in on my day off. I’m one that after a long vacation is actually ready to go back to work. Not anymore though, not there.
So, finally I took a chance after three years I began looking for a different job. And I got one. I haven’t started yet but since I put my notice in, just the thought of soon being finished has slowly changed the way I act.
I no longer get grumpy with my significant other because I have to go into work. I started this blog. I started reading again, doing crafts, planning things with my friends, and even playing with my dog more.
My advice to you is if you’re in the same spot as I was, leave.
Find what it is making you so unhappy, and do something about it.
Whatever the case may be search for your happiness, because when you die what sort of life do you want to have left behind? A happy one filled with beautiful memories, or a miserable one filled with darkness?